Marriage is one of the most important contracts that a person will enter into this life. It can impact much of your life, your future, and the future of your children. I keep hearing about ‘game’ between Muslim brothers and sisters when approaching and entering into marriages. I know what game is, I’m not that naieve, but I was trying to figure out the why. Why play games about marriage? Why would a man do it? Why would a woman do it? Who the heck does that, and why? Marriage is a simple contract. Billions upon billions of people have gotten married without game. Game? In marriage? That’s crazy
So why do I hear about so much playing games in marriage these days? I think I finally figured out where all this “game” that sisters talk about is coming from regarding brothers, and that brothers talk about regarding women. I knew there was an answer and I think I finally figured it out by the permission of Allah. Why people have so much game coming to a marriage.
The basis of game in marriage is dishonesty, breach of contract, ignorance of contract, no contract, false testimony, lying and ulterior motive. Game comes from three things. First is the upbringing. If were raised by street rules, or you were taught that it’s okay to lie, to manipulate, to bear false witness, to use someone to see what you can get from them, or to get something from the opposite sex (mostly men) under false pretenses, then you’re more likely to bring that methodology to a marriage. Two, fornication, pre-marital sex, and playing house without a marriage contract. If you are used to having sex with people, without having a marriage contract, then the idea of a long-term contract could be totally foreign to you as far as a relationship goes. You may be used to a fornication contract (committed relationship), and not even get that marriage is a totally different kind of contract.
As soon as the sex wanes, or as soon as there is no benefit for one or the other, then the goal becomes get what you can get for yourself and get out. It is every person for themselves. If that is what you are used to, then you are more likely to come with game in a marriage. Thirdly, it’s upbringing, and jaahiliyyah lifestyle amongst us. There are many consequences to fornication and it’s lifestyle. From the beginning to the end, haram relationships between men and women in our society, especially Black are all about plating games, pretending, lying, ulterior motives, slickness, and dishonesty. It is all game. Lying itself, unless it done where permissible, is pure game. We need to address our own game playing ways. As Black American Muslims, we need to rid ourselves of the notion that we are incapable of coming up with any answers on our own. As for why do fools fall in love? I don’t have the answer for that.
Imam Abu Laith Luqman Ahmad
Philadelphia born, Shaykh Luqman Ahmad is an Associate Imam and Resident Scholar at the Toledo Masjid al-Islam Toledo, Ohio where he teaches and delivers Friday sermons. He is the author of the new Book, ‘Killing Marriage in Black Muslim America’. He can be reached @ email@example.com