My wife once said to me; It’s amazing what Allah can do to the heart, and how much love, or hate, that He would allow between two people. In this case, it is the love that she and I share that I want to talk about. When I told my wife that I was inspired to write a blog post about her, she didn’t particularly like the idea and asked me why I would do it. I said, I couldn’t help it. I told her that I wanted people to know how a rough dude like me can still fall in love with a woman like her. I’ve always heard, read, and seen movies about two people made for each other, who fell in love and became like one. I believed it was possible but it was never something that I looked for, or expected would happen to me.
As an Imam, I’ve performed dozens of marriage ceremonies throughout my lifetime, and I have had my share of challenges in my own failed marriages. Still, I always in the course of performing a marriage ceremony, mention the verse: “And from amongst his many signs is that He has created for you from your souls, mates, to live in harmony with them and He has made between you love and mercy. Surely in that is a sign for those-those who reflect”. [Sura 30:21] I want people to have high hopes and to know the possibilities and the love potential that exists within a marriage. The love that Allah creates between a husband and a wife is something very special, and something that we have no control over but it can turn into one of life’s greatest gifts.
Luther Vandross said, “Love is so amazing”. Whatever you think about Luther, he was right about love. The Prophet (SAWS) said; “The whole world is a provision, and the best of its provision is a righteous wife. When you look at he, she pleases you, in you command her she obeys you, and when you are absent from her, she guards your possessions and guards herself”. I know that Allah’s word is true. I know that His power is real. I know that His decree is final, and I know that his grace is unending, but I never expected to find the love, peace, and harmony that I have have found with my wife Monique, in this little life of mine. Don’t get me wrong. We have our moments, challenges and difficulties as a married couple and as parents. But by the grace of Allah we have never had a problem that did not end up being a source of enlightenment and faith building for us both.
Every time I look at her, I think that she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Every time we go out together, even if it is to make a quick run to the local supermarket, I feel like we are on a date. If we go out together to an event, its as if we are attending a movie premiere or the opening of a grand play. It never fails that I will think of something, and she’s thinking the same thing, or I’ll call her on the phone, and she’s calling me at the same time. That is our life, a life full of smiles. Her smile makes me smile and when I smile she never fails to smile back. Sound like a fairytale? Maybe it does, but al-humdu lillaah it is a true tale.
I don’t know what the specific ingredients are that makes a happy marriage, but I know that to appreciate your spouse is one of them. I know that to see the good in them is another, and I know that to forgive them is yet another; “O you who believe, verily from amongst your spouses and children are enemies to you. Be guardful from them, but if you overlook, make amends, and forgive, then verily Allah is Forgiving and Merciful”. [Sura Taghaa’bun 64:14]. My wife means more to me than I could ever explain. She completes me. I ask Allah sub’haanahu wa ta’ala that she be amongst the inhabitants of paradise, and that I am with her there.
I was thinking the other day about the verse: “O Lord, make for us from amongst our wives and our children, that which pleases the eye, and make us leaders (imams) of the righteous”. [Sura al-Fur’qaan 25:74] I thought about how Allah has actualized this verse in my life and how fortunate I am. “As for the ni’mah of your Lord, talk about it”. [Sura Du’haa 93:11]
One of the things that compels me to love my wife so much is that I love Islam, and so does she. She loves it when I talk about Allah; she loves it when I talk about the Prophet (SAWS); she loves it when I read to her or explain to a her a mas’ala of fiqh, or of aqeeda, or tafseer. She never ceases to thank me, and she tells me that she’s honored to be my wife. Heck, I’m nobody special in my mind. I am just am a regular guy, with regular guy problems, regular guy issues and regular guy strengths and weaknesses, but my wife sees through all of that, and thanks me for the smallest things.
She never asks for much and sometimes I fear that I’m not giving her enough, but all she asks for is my love and I give her all that I have. Call me starry-eyed if you want, but all the love that I could have for a woman has been captured by my wife. Best of all, after everything else, she is my best friend and my sister in faith. I mean seriously, we are best friends, and we were bought together because of Islam. Our very first meeting was because of an act of faith. How bout that for a story. A true story I might add.
I’m no expert on marriage, not by a long shot. However, I am, an expert on giving advice. My humble advice for other couples is, brothers, if you are married, appreciate your wife, love her, honor her, protect her, be kind to her, and treat her well. As for you sisters, if you are married, thank your husband, say good things to him, honor him, stand by his side, and protect him. Lately, as I have been going through a transition in my life, I’m spending a lot of time at home. It seems that my wife and I do everything together now. We pray together, we plan together, we raise our children together, we shop together, we laugh together, and we remember Allah together. I think that perhaps in my maturity, I’m starting to realize what love is all about. I’ve come to the conclusion that my wife, my sister in faith; she is my Khadija, she is my Aisha, she is my Umm Salamah, she is my Umm Habeeba, and she is my one and only Monique, Umm Idris, the umm (mother) of our household, I love her dearly, I am content with her, and I’m happy, blessed, and fortunate to have her as my wife. She is my partner, and together with our children, we worship the One God that has no partners. Amazing! Wal hamdu lillaahi Rabbil aalameen!
Imam Luqman Ahmad
American born Luqman Ahmad is a life long Sunni Muslim, the son of converts to Islam. He is a writer, consultant, patriot, and until recently, has been the Imam of a Northern California mosque for twenty years. Recently he headed up a new organization (Islamic Center of Del Paso Heights)to address the needs of Muslims, specifically new Muslim converts in the City of Sacramento CA. He is a former executive committee member of the North America Imams Federation, a founding member of COSVIO, (the Council of Sacramento Valley Islamic Organizations), and the author of the book “The Devils Deception of the Modern day Salafiyyah Sect”, a detailed look at salafiyyism the ideology which forms the mindset of ISIS. He has written blog posts challenging ISIS, Anwar Awlaki, and BOKO Haram on his blog, imamluqman.wordpress.com. The sentiments shared in this article are his own and not representative of any of his professional affiliations. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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