A Muslim husband or father is also a Muslim man, and as such, he has preexisting obligations and responsibilities that he has to take into account, regardless whether anyone else does or not.
For example, a Muslim man first and foremost, is obligated to Allah, and responsible for his prayers, Jum’ah attendance, personal hygiene, ghost paying zakat and fasting Ramadan. He is responsible for his debts, his income, his bills (phone, car, insurance, food and clothes). If he is Black, then he’s responsible for taking into account the possibility that racism, racial bias, or even his past could play a part or be an obstacle in any of his pursuits. He has to consider that unless he is heedless.
He may be a son to a mother and father, he has obligations there. One or both of his parents could be aged, ill, or handicapped, he may have additional obligations there. He may be pursuing a degree or a graduate degree, he handling his business there. If he’s college educated he may have student debt. He may have a mortgage, car payments, child support, or children directly under his care. He is employed or in business, maybe just starting a business, he’ll have obligations there too.
All of that falls under the umbrella of his responsibility.
How he is handling everything owes to his character. People may call that baggage when in reality, that is just life, and none of that is out of the ordinary. Nor does any of what I mentioned disqualify him or make him an undesirable canidate for marriage. On top of all that, he has ethics, a world outlook, and a religion he is obligated to preserve. He has beliefs and a moral conviction he stands by, and seeks to uphold.
That’s the general anatomy of a good Muslim man, that many women say that they want, many without understanding, and some not having the slightest notion of what the details of being a good man are.
Now, he wants to get married. A Muslim man, who’s life is centered around his Lord, is not at liberty to make his life all about his woman, unless she is all about him, their Lord, and their life together. Good men for good women, good women for good men.
What kind of Muslim woman do you think is best for such a man? I accept that marriage is not for everyone, and that some men may not be ready for marriage in Islam. However, you have to agree that this is true for some women as well. Marriage should be based upon reality, not fantasy. And Allah knows best.
Imam Luqman Ahmad, imamabulaith@yahoo.com
Imam Luqman Ahmad Mosque Without Borders 